Curtains

I’m back. Back? Used to life here. Yes. Same as I was. No. Learned a lot. Always.

I write this as the curtains are closing on my summer and Barcelona and my time abroad feels like it was a dream. Leaving this lifestyle and becoming accustomed to another culture in Spain, only to later assimilate back to the lifestyle I had just feels funny. I remember my first days home being blown away at the comfort that we live in and think of as so regular. Our fluffy pillows and blankets, our once worn socks that are tossed down the laundry shoot without a thought, or how we have so many of our favorite things around us that we find disappointment in choosing one for the way we have sacrificed others. Truly first world problems.

  At first I tried to keep reflecting on what I learned as I meandered through my summer and I was wrapped up in my internship here. What did I learn while abroad? What ideas did I write down while abroad and am I still following those thoughts? How can I keep the essence of that experience alive more than just by hanging the Catalan flag in my room and looking at the souvenirs on my desk to remind myself I was truly there? I found that the more I tried to cling and cling to what I had there, the less I was truly able live and explore here. And as I drove up from San Diego after a brief visit to reconnect with friends from school I was able to resolve the fact that I have nothing to cling to but only things that will propel me forward. I know I changed abroad. Profoundly? Maybe. Maybe not. The point is that I changed. However change is a hard thing to notice when you are the one it is happening to. When you live with yourself everyday and a change happens gradually you may not notice it. But to the person who saw me 4 months ago and then ran into me downtown Santa Barbara as I talked with them on the street may think very differently of me. I am trusting that the truly valuable things I noticed, that I took them to heart and that they are inherently a part of me now and I need not worry about “keeping up with myself”.

            Changes of what kind? I may not be entirely sure. However I do know that certain changes only come about by cetain practices. Planting certain seeds bears particular fruits. I know abroad that I experienced so many worthwhile things and that in my free time I filled it with worthwhile things as well. Reading, writing, drawing, singing, conversing, exploring, adventuring, seeing old things in new ways…These are all things which I did both alone and with people, in the silent of our upstairs loft in Spain, and in the bustle of downtown Barcelona. They are the things that change how I walk now, how I read now, how I write now, how I draw now, how I sing now, how I converse now, how I go exploring now, how I adventure now, and how I see things now. 

Grateful always,
Cody